My family, especially my brother, enjoys watching me squirm and fidget because I am the only one left with secrets apparently. I sat across the table ... bit embarrasses but struggled with the comments. I look to my grandmother, who rolls her eyes in support of a topic change. Good call, grandmother. I search my sister for some clue about her feelings on this, but she cuts me off popping off with ‘Remember the gaga?’ Jesus. These people I lovingly call my ‘mother-fucking-family’ have no tact. Four year old me is waiting bundled up in her winter coat. Today is the day my father comes to visit me. He doesn’t usually but that doesn’t mean I don’t wait all the same. The door bell rings and I feel the excitement I felt sixteen years ago, innocent anticipation only a little child could have. The younger me bursts through the front door of the tiny apartment shouting an over-joyed greeting to…the paperboy. The child me is crestfallen, and I feel that inside all over again and seeing this. Straight away, my eyes always drawn to you, I see you swimming laps, strong, concentrating on your strokes in the barely lit water. You are the only one around. I watch you for a few minutes before quietly climbing in at the opposite end, to which you are swimming away from. I try to sneak up behind you, which I know won't be too hard as you are in concentration mode, and I'm close behind you when you reach the end and come up for a breather. As you adjust your goggles, you feel a warm breath. Erection or no, I got up. This had once been my home, but she had since made it very clear to me that my welcome here was limited and conditional. When she opened the door, I wanted it to be the gesture of a hostess seeing me off rather than an order to leave. But she didn’t go to the door.“Well, if you can’t see another possibility, then you deserve the torture,” she said from the stairs. I followed her up. If Gwen looked hot even standing bundled in a coat, she looked hot as hell with the.
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