"I watched Jim closely, as I shared this information, not wanting to scare him off, yet knowing total openness was necessary to get where I wanted to ...o. His body language, the look of his eyes and his hands on mine convinced me he understood and was OK with what he was hearing."I wanted to have a relationship, but I felt like an ugly duckling, a fish out of water. I put forth a good effort, but nothing lasted. Maybe one reason was that I always chose more outgoing guys, hoping they could bring. ’ before I feel the crunch. The bus stopping, the metal ripping and creaking, the screaming and wailing the hot lick of flames and the pain bursting through my back. Death isn’t how I expected it to be. I sit up and feel, well, normal. I open my eyes and look around, I blink and look again. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, sheer black, no hazy spots, no stars, no zinging colours like you experience when you close your eyes to sleep. Nope just nothing. I think I should be panicking. I remember. ..no..she wore a black band t shirt with the neck cut out so it rested off one shoulder, tight shredded jeans with holes in just the right places, a goth boys dream right down to the leather choker she was wearing, I was dumbfounded, hell it didnt help that with her chopped black hair,pouty full lips,and deep green eyes,she looked like that girl from the Tron movie, she laughed as she helped me pick up all the stuff and followed me inside.Latter at the bonfire , I stayed with her, I had no. Something inside of me tells me this is an apology. He knows I have lost my stillness, just like he has. He knows I am tired. He can see it in my eyes. He knows the truth just like I do. He knows that, together, we are transient. These woods are his form of meditation, of prayer. Maybe, in introducing me to them, he is trying to fix me because he knows his human hands cannot. He knows, right now, his human hands are not fit to hold me, but moreover, he knows that neither of us is willing to.
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Steve spent Sunday refinishing the back deck and cleaning out the Jacuzzi. It kept him too busy to think and that was its own reward.Sunday evening, h
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