Just act like you see the older girls act. Not snooty, but aloof. Smile like you know the secret ... whatever that secret it is.”“Thanks Charlie, ...e’ll lose the little-girl giggles right now. We want to be like the girls in your class. We want to be sexy and look older. We want to find that place you mentioned and make out with you too. Were you kidding about that?” Jan said.“I wasn’t kidding, but I’d get into trouble if we did. As bad as I’d love to feel you both up and see your naked bodies,. I really am attracted to women. The problem is that women aren’t attracted to me... at all. I’ve been slapped, laughed at, called a dork or a wimp, and turned down in the worst possible ways. And there is a worst possible way. The very worst possible way to be turned down by a girl is for her to hold her lips tightly together so she doesn’t laugh and then look at me sadly just before she turns and walks away.That look says it all. They don’t have to say anything. It is obvious in their eyes. I could see all thepatrons were looking at her, some of them returning hersmile. We did not even get to our table and she hadalready been flirting with the waiter which was out ofcharacter for her.After the meal we went over to the bar to have a fewdrinks. Soon she started to chat with a couple of guysas I was not even there. The body language was hot andexplicit. There was one particular guy she paid a lotof attention to, touching of the arms, the chest andwhispering into his ears. Then she. .. maybe she had seen me, maybe not.When I cautiously lifted my head above the sill and snuck a peek, thegarden was empty. I shivered, partly from the climax I'd been denied,partly from the thought that kept worming into my mind, repeatingendlessly ... Had she seen me?I'd been doing this for weeks, since moving with my family into the oldterraced house and being given the attic bedroom. The small window lookeddown not just on our own narrow strip of back garden, but on ourneighbours' as well. I.
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