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Did I love him? Duh! But feeling it and showing it were about all I thought I was capable of. Talking about it? That made me want to run for the godda...n hills. I had been through the supposedly happy marriage thing, how well that worked out. Now I just wanted to be happy and I thought we had that down pat. Sure I refused to move in with him and rarely spent more than a few nights in a row with him before the anxious feeling set in and I had to go. But I always came back happier than before.. " my mom apologized."It's OK mom, I wasn't really asleep yet anyway." I replied."Did you have a good night?" she softly asked.What could I say? "Yeah, it was fine." I told her. There were a few other things I wanted to scream about tonight that I chose to refrain from. We said our goodnights and it sounded like my mom and dad decided to do a little more chatting on the couch. That's the last thing I remember before I fell asleep. The next thing I knew, my mom was waking me up. I looked. It was small, a single room with a bathroom. The kitchen, dining room, and bedroom were all the same room, and it was obvious the bathroom was a later addition. We sat on the couch as Sam got more glasses with ice, and we were soon finishing the bottle.And when the bottle was finished, the guys started kissing each of us. I know I was really bombed and did not even resist when Mike’s hand went under my dress. He had big construction fingers, but they were doing a real number on me. I was. Besides it was partly my fault.”“How was it your fault?” I half screamed at her.“I let him in my room to use the phone.” And a renewed wail filled the space around us.“So ... that’s all?”She nodded, and was now making that hiccupy crying sound that a three year old makes when the hurt has started to fade.“Do you hate me,” she asked?Crying, I said, “No ... I don’t hate you. I love you. Are you okay, I mean physically? Did he hit you or anything?”“Not really,” she sobbed. “I’m sore, but I’m not.
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