I'm so sorry I guess I was just feeling really down."Ben stared and said nothing."What?" I asked."You don't ... you don't remember anything about last...night?" Um..."I started to think back. I remember hanging out with Flanna and telling her how much I missed Gary and even mentioning Ben to her. She seemed interested I just hadn't told Ben that. Then I remembered her giving me the bottle of Grey Goose and telling me to be sure to chill it first. I had gotten home and put it in the freezer right. They started talking. He was sweet and warm and smart so she let her guard down. For the past 12 years she had been with women only. She had not liked having sex with men in the past. She had found that thinking about having sex with them was always better than actually having sex with them. Her partner of 10 years had recently killed herself. She identified herself as a lesbian. Knowing that he began to flirt with her mercilessly. He told her that it was too bad she was a lesbian. My breasts are pads inside a bra, and my body has beenpadded expertly inside these clothes that I wear to make me appearfemale. And I dread what my *mother* will want done to my body in thelong term. I wonder what my friends would think if they knew thateverything I say and every move I make is all an act? That I hatetalking about boys and other girly stuff with them and that I long towipe the lipstick from my lips, shed my girl disguise and get back tomy parents so that they know that I didn't. Aur mera sapna ye dhire dhire sach hota laga kyuki 1 din vo mere ghar aai me sochte reh gaya ki ye mere ghar kyu aai hai aur mene dekha ke vo meri maa se baat karne aai hai meri maa se uski acchi ban gayi thi so fir meri bhi uske sath baat chit shuru ho gayi aur hum mazak masti bhi karne lage uske family me vo aur uske dad hi the uski maa ki death ho gai thi to vo ghar rehkar ghar hi sambhal ti thi and dad job par the so reema aur meri friendship pakki ho gai mazak me me uska kabhi hath bhi.
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