I told her that I had watched what happened. She gasped and asked about the track meet. I told her it got canceled. She looked very embarassed. She sa...d she was sorry. She told me just wanted to have fun for once (my dad died and she never had the courage to date). She made her point clear. "Jeremy Wethers, if you tell anyone about this you will deeply regret it!" I said what the hell she was going to do. "You don't talk to me or about me like that, you understand?!" I told her I didn't care.. " Yes, but I'm still embarrassed about what it involved." She was blushing."Well, since you don't want to make love, that is our only choice." It's still a big step. And it is embarrassing for a girl to have that in her mouth, or to swallow your seed, and any number of other things." Stephanie, I'll bet while you were doing that last night, at least ten other guys in town were having the same things done by their dates. And you are sooo much more than a 'date' to me. It is nothing to be. I was nervous but also hoping the plan would work. The first guy to sit next to me asked if he could buy me a drink. “When I’ve finished this one,” I said and we made small talk. But he was watching the TV and glancing back at his friends a lot. I smiled and tolerated the guy and he took the hint and left with his friends. The bartender asked, “What are you doing in a place like this?”“I'm staying with a friend not far away and I was told it was nice here.”I was still nursing my second drink. She tried me once more for a bootie call, but I was unavailable. Too bad, but that’s life.Girl six was… I loved her. I still do. She was the most amazing woman to ever walk into my life. I, however, was far too self-conscious and unconfident to be able to let it work. I was the one that initiated the breakup, and I feel terrible for it. This is the reason I ended up going back to my old pattern. This was my reasoning for acting selfish and yet self-harming all at the same time. I was.
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