I'm not an asshole; I'm not good enough to be an asshole.As soon as most everybody's inside, I smoke another cigarette less because I want one and mor... because it gives me something to do with my hands other than punch a wall. Maybe all those bruises were me. Maybe it's always been me beatin' up on her an' I've been too blind or stupid ta notice.The bell rings but I haven't finished my smoke so I don't move. When I do finish, I consider going to class and instead light another one. I wish I had. I felt a little bad about it though, but would she be that mad? As she said, she wants her dad to be with someone too. But she was really happy once I made up that fake boyfriend.“No, I wouldn't lie to you. You are my best friend,” I replied.So I bullshitted her completely. I can't say it was all that easy to do though. I hated lying to her. But I just put it in the vault as Jerry Seinfeld would say. Then a few days later, John and I were alone again in the living room sitting on the couch.“So. ..no...oh, oh, oh, oh please don't fuck me."My mom had never, ever used that word. It was too much.I came. It went everywhere. Her tummy, her panties, legs, got her dress, the seat. As soon as she felt it mom started crying. It all hit home for me too. I had tried to force my mom to have sex. There's a word for that. Nothing she had done, questionable as it might have been, justified what I had tried to do to my own mother. Or any other woman for that matter.I told her I was sorry, and. Otherwise what was more remarkable about his research was how extraordinarily mundane it was. Maybe there was more to the strange anarchist who was privileged to occupy a villa in the Intrepid's most spacious and sought-after level.The captain hadn't been any more impressed by Paul in person. Compared to the witty and eloquent Professor Keane who'd entertained her for more than an hour on the subject of polydimensional fractals or Doctor Xiao Ping who'd made the subject of exobacteria more.
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