I wish I could remember how I figured that out but either way I did. Sometime when I was growing up I remember taking showers with my mother, for som... reason I never thought much about the things I saw in there until a little later. One day I was in the bathroom and I found my mother's boyfriend's dirty mags next to the toilet. When I say dirty mags, I mean Playboy, not really dirty actually. I opened one up and saw things I had never seen and something clicked inside me. I felt compelled. She laughs about it now.“So I stayed with Mum for the rest of my childhood. Technically I left her care when I was eighteen because I was in full time education, otherwise she would not have got any money for me once I was sixteen, but I got a full grant and living allowance while at university, and could send her some money out of that.“So now I’m her grown-up child, as is Craig and Gina. They are the only other full-term foster children. Craig and I have left home, and Gina is in her last. We lash out, fight back and/or verbally insult with an impulsive idiocy that will usually get us into really big trouble. Though we’ll really, really feel bad about it later, at the time, vengeance is the end all be all of our existence. Strangely enough, this time I don’t feel bad. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll be fantasizing about today for the rest of my life. It could have something to do with the fact that I’ll never have the cojones to ever do it again. Or, perhaps it’s because I wreaked. I’m a good fighter, but nobody is that good, especially a kid.”When I was 15 the first time, I was a bit of a scrapper. Since it was a hick town, and I never lost a fight, every time some stupid kid wanted to prove he was a man, he would attack me. An acquaintance claimed he was keeping track of how many fights I was in during the school year, and he stopped counting at 100. I got into as many as three fights a day, and not once did I lose. I made mistakes, slipped up and got injured a lot, but.
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