For two weeks I could become Michelle.And then, I was done. I stood there, and in the mirror, a smile creptacross the girl's face, my true face, looki...g back. It must have beencrude, those first attempts at transition. I was in heaven and had lostall sense of discretion and perspective. I probably looked horrible.But it didn't matter. I was free to move around for the first timeever. But now what? I grabbed my Levi jacket and walked out the frontdoor. So don't tell me I was a coward, Michelle.. Closing her eyesfast as she tries to assimilate this into her head, thoughts swirling, tryingto remember the past night, having no concept of the time, or how long shelay on the smooth floor sleeping, if that is what it was she had been doing. Slowly the past few days coming back to her, herbreath catching in her chest, the sound loud in the thick silence of the blackroom, keeping her eyes closed tightly, somehow strangely comforted by the feelingof them shut, moving to curl onto her side and. And, then the meeting was over, and I was left to cry in my beer.As much as I hated my wife, at least, I was telling myself that I hated her; I still needed her. I still loved her too; there was no escaping that reality. Love, hate, confusion, desperation all of it was my lot. All of that added onto what the two of them were going to try to do, as I saw it, to come between my daughter and me. I did not deserve this, any of it!****I got the word less than a week later: we got our short date. It. I motioned her into my office and said "Sit down, dear, and let's talk. Over the past four months we have not really talked so why don't you tell me what your fears are about the coming changes." I am so angry at you for all the crap you have put me through since Labor Day weekend, and you have been only thinking of yourself. I don't know what has come over you; I just hope you have not lost your mind."I don't want to move, I'm afraid that you'll leave me, as well as not leaving me any money,".
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