”“Know what?” he looked concerned.“What it's like to be raped. I wanted to know what it was like to have no control, to not be making the deci...ions. What is is like to just give over... to be used, instead of using. To have a man just fucking use me without worshipping me like a precious little princess. I had to know.”He kissed me gently and said “Well... what did you think. I tried my best, I really did.”“I felt humiliated, degraded. I felt like a victim... a fucking sex toy. I had no control. I had an architectural drawing for the breezeway which included the dimensions for the custom designed whirlpool with extra pumps and jets for my arm and leg.The closing in Tuscaloosa was very brief. We met at the courthouse. The seller got a check and I registered the deed. Dorothy and I went to the house where we met the plumbing contractor. I signed a contract for the contractor to put in the whirlpool and a restroom/dressing room in the breezeway. I gave my grandfather's architect's. She knows. "You will be my love forever. You started being my love before I knew you. I knew I was made to love you, I just never thought I would find you."She pushed me back out of the kitchen into the living room. The back of my legs hit the sofa, so I collapsed backward. Got smothered with eager Jan.Summer progressed per the established format, hot, cloyingly humid, made bearable by our almost daily trips to the pool where this all started.Jan's summer job with her grandmother went, in. Mason with his magical desire, lust, and complete adoration of me was beginning to restore my self-esteem as well as my confidence.He looked at me and said with so much of adoration:“Your husband is really stupid, because if you were mine I would never neglect you, I would always show you how special and sexy you are.”“I would dedicate my life to making sure you were treated exactly the way you deserve.”“The fact that he could ignore you, even for a minute, is utterly bewildering, and even.
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