I ran outside and closed the gate and latched it.It was a nice sunny day so I went back inside to change. Changing into a bikini I grabbed a towel and...a blanket and headed outside. As I settled my self on the blanket I tried to relax and soon fell asleep. A noise woke me up. Chief was in the yard with a black lab. Gathering up the blanket and towel and blanket I tried to fend Chief off as I angled myself towards the patio door. He knocked me down and stood over me baring his teeth and growled.. Uh...area, you might want to, these mountains are really pretty, looking down on the desert and everything, and you know, you might want to take a hike one day. Just an idea." That sounds nice," he said. And I just about swooned. I decided to press my luck a mile or two past good sense. "How about tomorrow? I mean, if you're not, you know, busy or anything." Now I was rolling. He was looking at me with his big green beautiful friendly eyes and I was hurtling into them and there was no turning. Fucked.Hurting.I'm such a mess. I try to look at myself. Fuck. A mess. Totally. Destroyed. Like I hoped.What the fuck will I do?Maybe I should just die.That's what I thought they said.Let's let her die... Shall we let her die?They can if they want. They can. I don't care. As long as they take care and do it slowly.No-one will want me now. And I will always want more.I'm so fucked up.I didn't know.I didn't know I wanted it this much.I fucking hurt so fucking bad.And now he's stripped her.I see. I asked if any of them could think of a song that we could learn to play.Greg said, "Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys."Bonita giggled and said, "Let's play that one about 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."The kids bantered for a while, trying to convince me the first two suggestions were what they wanted to learn. I told them I would go on the internet to get the music and lyrics. They continued practicing the scales as I left.It didn't take a lot to get sheet music downloaded. I.
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