I mean... does this kind of thing go on a lot with you guys?" With Matt it does," Jake said. "He's kind of like a kid in a candy store sometimes. Do y...u want me to take you home?" No," she said immediately. "I'm sorry. I'm not a prude or anything. I've just never seen anything like that before. I've never even imagined something like that before." I'm sorry," Jake said. "Sometimes I forget how shocking our lifestyle might seem to someone who hasn't been around it." Is he going to... you know.... Finally, on Thursday he said yes. I stayed untilmidnight and just about crawled home and into my bed.Driving home, I admitted to myself, for the firsttime, that I was no longer in control of all aspectsof my life — I was physically and sexually addictedto Raj. On the third Saturday, Raj wasn’t alone when Iarrived. “This is my friend, Amit,” smiled Raj.I said hello to Amit and the three of us talked for awhile. I couldn’t wait for him to leave, so Raj and Icould get on with the fucking! I get. Part of me knew what he wanted, and that it was wrong. But another part of me wanted him.He cut straight to the chase, no foreplay or anything, just straight to the sex. He put it in and a small wave of pain shot through me, then he broke my hymen and i almost screamed. Then David realised it was me, but he didnt stop, and i didnt want him too. I felt so close to him, he was inside me and i felt like i loved him.We did it for about 20 minutes, Davids expressions changed from guilty to happy,. I was beginning to wonder why the hell I was even staying in South Bend, no job, a shitty one room apartment and mostly no sex. There must be places better than this god forsaken town. Out of desperation I was counting on this trip being a big deal for me. You all know that silly fantasy that all us gays have—always fantasizing that one day some rich old stud would pick them up, fall in love with them and take care of them. God only knows in the past three months I’ve been without a hot rocket.
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